91快播

A Hineni from a Fractured Heart

Hineni

Harold Nathan Aaronson, Rabbinical School 2029

Hineni begins the Musaf service of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and describes the seemingly impossible task of the shaliah tzibbur: to stand before God as a messenger for the prayers of the community. In Israel as part of his rabbinical studies at 91快播, Harold Aaronson reflects on how the themes of Hineni reflect the tensions facing the Jewish people today.鈥�

讛执谞职谞执讬 Here I am. Behind me: thousands of stickers plaster a concrete wall, covered with eyes鈥攅yes of those gone forever and those still waiting to return. In front of me: ruins. Mounds of concrete, heaps of rubble鈥攖he only evidence that Beit Hanoun once stood in Gaza. 

Hineni reminds us that to come before God with these desperate pleas is a daunting task, one that requires us to scrutinize our feelings, our actions, and our words, and to elevate the best within ourselves鈥攅ven when it feels impossible.

讛侄注指谞执讬 诪执诪址旨注址砖讉, 谞执专职注址砖讈 讜职谞执驻职讞址讚 诪执驻址旨讞址讚 讬讜止砖值讈讘 转职旨讛执诇旨讜止转 讬执砖职讉专指讗值诇 I, poor in deeds, tremble and quake from fear of the One who is enthroned upon the praises of Israel. I walk through the remnants of Nir Oz. Bullet holes, shattered windows, burned homes. Flags fly quietly in front of each house, marking the fate of those who once lived there: alive or dead, captive or free. 讘指旨讗转执讬 诇址注植诪止讚 讜旨诇职讛执转职讞址谞值旨谉 诇职驻指谞侄讬讱指 注址诇 注址诪职旨讱指 讬执砖职讉专指讗值诇 (I have come to stand and plead before You, On behalf of Your people Israel). I look at the father rooted in the ashes of his living room telling his story. We stare upon the wreckage of his neighbor鈥檚 house, scattered toys in the yard. On the afternoon of October 7, when finally freed from their safe room, his son went to play with those toys and wait for his friend to emerge and join him. Like any other afternoon. But his friend Ariel would never come.

And as the father speaks, the ground shakes with the constant thrum of shells landing in Gaza. 

讛直讬值讛 谞指讗 诪址爪职诇执讬讞址 讚址旨专职讻执旨讬 讗植砖侄讈专 讗植谞执讬 讛讜止诇值讱职 诇址注植诪止讚 讜旨诇职讘址拽值旨砖讈 专址讞植诪执讬诐 注指诇址讬 讜职注址诇 砖讈讜止诇职讞指讬 Please, let my path that I am walking鈥攖o stand and request mercy for myself and for those who sent me鈥攂e successful. The sun beats down as I look upon the faces on the signs surrounding me. Young couples, building new families, creating new worlds鈥攆utures gone in an instant, a graveyard erected where they danced. In the distance, I watch as new soldiers rise in formation with our national song of hope dancing on their lips:注讜止讚 诇止讗 讗指讘职讚指讛 转执拽职讜指转值谞讜旨 (Our hope is not yet lost).

Fewer than 10 miles away, an 18-year-old trudges through this same heat, wearing 50 pounds of combat gear and making split-second life-and-death decisions. We keep asking the impossible of him; perhaps we feel compelled to do so because it seems the impossible has been asked of us. But the reality remains. He returns to Gaza again.谞指讗 讗址诇 转址旨驻职砖执讈讬注值诐 讘职旨讞址讟止旨讗转址讬 讜职讗址诇 转职旨讞址讬职旨讘值诐 讘址旨注植讜鈥嵵棺犠曋棺�址讬 Please do not punish them for my sins, nor make them liable for my transgressions.

鈥淢y heart is cold,鈥� he tells us, as he assesses the situation with broken eyes. And I understand him. Hamas commits wanton violence against civilians by design, starving our hostages with intent. Their hate is so consuming that they prefer a world without us to a world of freedom for themselves鈥攅ven at the expense of their people. The world watches in self-righteous judgement as if it were simple. The walls that isolate us grow.

Yet doubts also gnaw at me. Some realities are too simple to ignore, hunger among them. Each day I see children starving, houses destroyed, families broken. 讜职讗址诇 讬执讻指旨诇职诪讜旨 讘执旨驻职砖指讈注址讬 讜职讗址诇 讬值讘止砖讈讜旨 讛值诐 讘执旨讬 讜职讗址诇 讗值讘讜止砖讈 讗植谞执讬 讘指旨讛侄诐 (Let them not be disgraced because of my offenses, nor be ashamed through me, and let me not be ashamed through them).Is our compassion yet another casualty of the war?  

We have erred. We have transgressed. There is nuance; there is context. But in endless complexity we neglect the obvious: rationalizations do not feed a family. No matter the double standards or culpability of others, Hineni is about our actions, our thoughts鈥攏ot theirs. Must we not demand more from ourselves than this?

讜职讻指诇 爪指专讜止转 讜职专指注讜止转 讛植驻指讱职 谞指讗 诇指谞讜旨 讜旨诇职讻指诇 讬执砖职讉专指讗值诇 诇职砖指讉砖讉讜止谉 讜旨诇职砖执讉诪职讞指讛 诇职讞址讬执旨讬诐 讜旨诇职砖指讈诇讜止诐 Transform all troubles and hardships for us and for all Israel into joy and happiness, into life and peace. To bare your soul before God on our holiest day鈥攖he vulnerability, humbleness, and courage required to reflect honestly and openly in judgement鈥攊s a demanding request. But it is a necessary one if we are to ask to transform our troubles and hardships into joy and happiness. This moment requires that resolve from us all: To openly and honestly assess ourselves and our actions. To do what鈥檚 right鈥攆or our own sake as well as for others. 

讻执旨讬 讗址转指旨讛 砖讈讜止诪值注址 转职旨驻执诇址旨转 注址诪职旨讱指 讬执砖职讉专指讗值诇 讘职旨专址讞植诪执讬诐. 讘指旨专讜旨讱职 讗址转指旨讛 砖讈讜止诪值注址 转职旨驻执诇指旨讛 For You hear the prayer of Your people Israel with compassion. Blessed are You, who hears prayer. We appear before You with prayers that have held our hearts captive for nearly two years, prayers that are new reflections of ones that have bound us for millennia. Grant us the wisdom to judge justly, the power to do what is necessary, and the strength to refrain from cruelty. Do not harden our hearts. Grant us the will to protect our people in body and in spirit.

We may not know how鈥攂ut we know we must. 讛执谞职谞执讬 So here I am.