Hagar鈥檚 Tears and Ours: Choosing Connection over Despair听
Genesis offers us narratives of our biblical ancestors struggling with many of the deepest challenges that we may face in our lives, whether in our familial or interpersonal relationships or as we face the uncertainty, fear, and loss of living in a broken world. Throughout the Genesis cycle we encounter families who accept the fallacy that there is not enough blessing to go around, and thus make terrible mistakes. Parents choose favorite children, siblings are pitted against each other as rivals. This year we return to these stories shattered by the horrific violence of the October 7th massacres, as we see a new and terrifying chapter unfold in the primal conflict between Israelis and Palestinians. We know that there is enough suffering and trauma and outrage to go around. We wonder if there is enough compassion or enough hope to carry us through this time.
In Parashat Vayera we encounter Sarah and Hagar, two mothers who are more accustomed to scarcity than abundance and become trapped in their own fears for their beloved sons. After years of longing, Sarah receives the blessing of a son, of Isaac. She experiences a moment of pure joy.
讜址转止旨讗诪侄专 砖指讉专指讛 爪职讞止拽 注指砖指讉讛 诇执讬 讗直诇止讛执讬诐 讻讎旨诇志讛址砖止旨讈诪值注址 讬执爪职讞址拽志诇执讬變
Sarah said, 鈥淕od has brought me laughter; everyone who hears will laugh with me.”
(Gen. 21:6)
But when we are accustomed to feeling empty, lonely, less than, it can be hard to stay in that place of joy. And so when Sarah becomes concerned about the behavior of Ishmael, the son of Hagar, towards her own son, Isaac, she reacts with seemingly unrelenting fury.
讜址转止旨讗诪侄专 诇职讗址讘职专指讛指诐 讙指旨专值砖讈 讛指讗指诪指讛 讛址讝止旨讗转 讜职讗侄转志讘职旨谞指讛旨 讻执旨讬 诇止讗 讬执讬专址砖讈 讘侄旨谉志讛指讗指诪指讛 讛址讝止旨讗转 注执诐志讘职旨谞执讬 注执诐志讬执爪职讞指拽變
She said to Abraham, 鈥淐ast out that slave-woman and her son, for the son of that slave shall not share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.鈥�
(Gen. 21:10)
Her words are dehumanizing. Painful. I would rather imagine that Sarah and Hagar had built a relationship through their years of being in the same family, parenting side by side. But so often our fear of inadequacy turns us inward. If we doubt whether we are worthy of love, we may close ourselves off from others. Our fear that we and those we love will not have enough can make us regard others as competitors for the same scarce resources. We forget that generosity and connection are available to us. Instead of turning towards connection and generosity, which can lead to abundance, we turn away from them.
Abraham, while distressed about doing so, sends Hagar and Ishmael out into the wilderness with only some bread and a skin of water. Rejected by Sarah, betrayed by Abraham, when the water is gone Hagar quickly descends into despair.
讜址讬执旨讻职诇讜旨 讛址诪址旨讬执诐 诪执谉志讛址讞值诪侄转 讜址转址旨砖职讈诇值讱职 讗侄转志讛址讬侄旨诇侄讚 转址旨讞址转 讗址讞址讚 讛址砖执旨讉讬讞执诐變 讜址转值旨诇侄讱职 讜址转值旨砖侄讈讘 诇指讛旨 诪执谞侄旨讙侄讚 讛址专职讞值拽 讻执旨诪职讟址讞植讜值讬 拽侄砖侄讈转 讻执旨讬 讗指诪职专指讛 讗址诇志讗侄专职讗侄讛 讘职旨诪讜止转 讛址讬指旨诇侄讚 讜址转值旨砖侄讈讘 诪执谞侄旨讙侄讚 讜址转执旨砖指旨讉讗 讗侄转志拽止诇指讛旨 讜址转值旨讘职讱职旨變
When the water was gone from the skin, she left the child under one of the bushes, and went and sat down at a distance, a bowshot away; for she thought, 鈥淟et me not look on as the child dies.鈥� And sitting thus afar, she wept.
(Gen. 21:16)
Hagar cannot bear to see her son suffer, and so she moves away from him. The rabbis do not want to believe that Hagar is abandoning her child in this moment. Radak, Rabbi David Kimchi, explains the unusual measure of a bowshot to explain that while Hagar went some distance away, she remained close enough that she could still see Ishmael. She is so consumed by her fear and grief that she moves away from him. Yet, she is motivated by love and so she stays close enough to still see him. We don鈥檛 know if Ishmael can see his mother. We don鈥檛 know if he knows she is still there. In her own grief and isolation, Hagar moves away from her one connection, and inadvertently deprives him of her presence. So now they are both alone, thirsty, and afraid.
Hagar weeps. Ishmael must have wept too, and perhaps while she could still see him, she was too far to hear his cries, because the text continues:
讜址讬执旨砖职讈诪址注 讗直诇止拽讬诐 讗侄转志拽讜止诇 讛址谞址旨注址专 讜址讬执旨拽职专指讗 诪址诇职讗址讱职 讗直诇止拽讬诐鈥夆�壸愔蹲溨咀斨缸捴缸� 诪执谉志讛址砖指旨讈诪址讬执诐 讜址讬止旨讗诪侄专 诇指讛旨 诪址讛志诇指旨讱职 讛指讙指专 讗址诇志转执旨讬专职讗执讬 讻执旨讬志砖指讈诪址注 讗直诇止讛执讬诐 讗侄诇志拽讜止诇 讛址谞址旨注址专 讘址旨讗植砖侄讈专 讛讜旨讗志砖指讈诐變
God heard the cry of the boy, and a messenger of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, 鈥淲hat troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heeded the cry of the boy where he is.鈥�
(Gen. 21:17)
Midrash Rabbah teaches that from this we learn:
讬指驻指讛 转职旨驻执诇址旨转 讛址讞讜止诇侄讛 诇职注址爪职诪讜止 讬讜止转值专 诪执讻止旨诇
The prayer of a suffering person on their own behalf is more beautiful, more desired, than the prayers of others.
Rashi explains that if a person is in a position to pray on her own behalf those prayers will reach the One of Blessing first. Yet the midrash is saying even more than this. According to this reading, God responds to Ishmael鈥檚 cry for help first, and only then to Hagar鈥檚 tears of despair. God wants us to hope. We must reach towards the Divine to express our desire to survive and our hope that a different future is possible. Seeking that connection can open us to receive blessing.
Hagar must confront her despair and break through her isolation to reconnect with her child in order to reclaim her will to survive. Abraham Joshua Heschel understood deeply the delicate line between fear and despair. In a 1963 speech titled 鈥淩eligion and Race,鈥� he acknowledged that despair is seductive, because the evils of the world are tremendous. In the face of the greatest acts of human depravity, of brutal racism and injustice we may feel 鈥渢hat the most practical thing we can do is 鈥榯o weep鈥� and to despair.鈥� But, he argues, succumbing to despair is an abdication of our most fundamental human responsibilities, and a betrayal of God. 鈥淭he greatest heresy is despair, despair of humanity鈥檚 power for goodness, humanity鈥檚 power for love.鈥�
拽讜旨诪执讬 砖职讉讗执讬 讗侄转志讛址谞址旨注址专 讜职讛址讞植讝执讬拽执讬 讗侄转志讬指讚值讱职 讘旨讜止 讻执旨讬志诇职讙讜止讬 讙指旨讚讜止诇 讗植砖执讉讬诪侄谞旨讜旨變 讜址讬执旨驻职拽址讞 讗直诇止拽讬诐 讗侄转志注值讬谞侄讬讛指 讜址转值旨专侄讗 讘职旨讗值专 诪指讬执诐 讜址转值旨诇侄讱职 讜址转职旨诪址诇值旨讗 讗侄转志讛址讞值诪侄转 诪址讬执诐 讜址转址旨砖职讈拽职 讗侄转志讛址谞指旨注址专變
Come, lift up the boy and hold him by the hand, for I will make a great nation of him. Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. She went and filled the skin with water and let the boy drink.
(Gen. 21: 18-19)
First Hagar must rise out of her isolation and despair and go back to Ishmael to hold him. Then God opens her eyes, and she is able to see the well of water. Perhaps it had been there the whole time, but she was so focused on looking away from Ishmael that she couldn鈥檛 see it. When she remembers the power of love and connection, the possibility of good, her eyes are unclouded and she can find the water.
May each of us seek out connection to defeat the isolation and despair that clouds our vision, so that we may remember our potential to choose hope, and with that, our potential to help build a different future.
Based on a d鈥檝ar Torah delivered at Congregation B鈥檔ai Jeshurun in New York City on Rosh Hashanah 5784/2023.听
The publication and distribution of the 91快播 Commentary are made possible by a generous grant from Rita Dee (锄鈥漧) and Harold Hassenfeld (锄鈥漧).鈥�&苍产蝉辫;&苍产蝉辫;&苍产蝉辫;&苍产蝉辫;
