Our Aging Bodies
“讜讗讘专讛诐 讝拽谉 讘讗 讘讬诪讬诐”鈥� 注讚 讗讘专讛诐 讗讘讬谞讜 诇讗 讛讬转讛 讝拽谞讛 讘注讜诇诐. 讜讗讘专讛诐 讜讘谞讜 讬爪讞拽 讛讬讜 讚讜诪讬诐 诪讗讜讚 讝讛 诇讝讛, 诪讬 砖讛讬讛 专讜爪讛 诇讛住讬讞 注诐 讗讘专讛诐 讛讬讛 诪砖讬讞 注诐 讬爪讞拽, 注诐 讬爪讞拽 鈥� 讛讬讛 诪砖讬讞 注诐 讗讘专讛诐. 注讚 砖讘讗 讗讘专讛诐 讗讘讬谞讜 诇驻谞讬 讛拽讚讜砖 讘专讜讱 讛讜讗 讜讗诪专: 专讬讘讜谞讜 砖诇 注讜诇诐, 爪专讬讱 讗转讛 诇讛驻专讬砖 讘讬谉 讗讘 诇讘谉, 讘讬谉 谞注专 诇讝拽谉, 砖讬转讻讘讚 讛讝拽谉 讘谞注专. 讗诪专 诇讜 讛拽讚讜砖 讘专讜讱 讛讜讗: 讞讬讬讱, 诪诪讱 讗谞讬 诪转讞讬诇. 讛诇讱 讜诇谉 讘讗讜转讜 讛诇讬诇讛 讜注诪讚 讘讘讜拽专. 讻讬讜谉 砖注诪讚 专讗讛 砖讛诇讘讬谉 砖注专 专讗砖讜 讜讝拽谞讜, 讗诪专 诇驻谞讬讜: 专讬讘讜谞讜 砖诇 注讜诇诐, 注砖讬转谞讬 讚讜讙诪讗. 讗诪专 诇讜 “注讟专转 转驻讗专转 砖讬讘讛” (诪砖诇讬 讟讝, 诇讗) 诇讻讱 谞讗诪专: “讜讗讘专讛诐 讝拽谉”
(诪讚专砖 转谞讞讜诪讗 讞讬讬 砖专讛)
Until Abraham there was no old age, so that one who wished to speak with Abraham might mistakenly find himself speaking with Isaac, or one who wished to speak with Isaac might mistakenly find himself speaking with Abraham. But when Abraham came, he pleaded for old age, saying, “Master of the Universe, You must make a visible difference between father and son, between a youth and an old man, so that the old man may be honored by the youth.” God replied, “As you live, I shall begin with you.” So Abraham went off, passed the night, and arose in the morning. When he arose he saw that the hair on his head and of his beard had turned white. He said, “Master of the Universe, if You have given me white hair as a sign of old age, I do not find it attractive.” “On the contrary,” God replied, “the hoary head is a crown of glory.” (Prov. 16:31)
As I slip from youth into middle age, I find myself greatly sensitized to our culture’s idolization of youth and idealization of youthful beauty. Some mornings I like the gray strands now at my temples. They’re visually interesting and existentially mysterious. Other days I want to blot them out, regain the lush brown I’ve known and loved. As the midrash reminds us, this is not just a feminine issue: there comes a point where each of us, men and women alike, looks in the mirror and realizes (in the words of the late poet laureate Stanley Kunitz) “I am not who I once was.”
Dr. Vivian Diller, author with Jill Muir-Sukenick of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change, writes: “The truth is, millions of us now in our 40s, 50s, and 60s are preoccupied with thinking about the physical realities of growing older. We anxiously stare in the mirror like insecure adolescents and are surprised and embarrassed that we care so much.”
It is difficult not to. If the rabbis could imagine Abraham’s dismay at the physical signs of aging, how much more so for us, men and women, living in a culture in which we are constantly bombarded with visual images of young, vigorous bodies. We might resist, struggle with disappointments or identity shifts, or wish our looks weren’t changing. But the last word of the midrash is given to God, who sees the emotional toll that going gray has taken on Abraham and comforts him. His words are directed to his heart, a reminder that old age is a time of glory. We, like Abraham, are distracted by the changes in our appearance and tricked by our culture’s emphasis on youth into forgetting that with age comes experience, that a head of white signifies a certain wisdom and important lessons learned. As Diller advises, “We need to embrace the multidimensional meaning of beauty that begins with Webster’s Dictionary definition鈥�”a quality that gives pleasure or exalts the mind”鈥攁nd go deeper beneath and ultimately beyond.”
