Silence Speaks Volumes
讗讘讜转 讚专讘讬 谞转谉 驻专拽 讬讚
讻砖诪转 讘谞讜 砖诇 专谞谉 讬讜讞谞谉 讘谉 讝讻讗讬 谞讻谞住讜 转诇诪讬讚讬讜 诇谞讞诪讜…谞讻谞住 专讘讬 讬讜住讬 讜讬砖讘 诇驻谞讬讜 讗诪专 诇讜 专讘讬 专爪讜谞讱 讗讜诪专 讚讘专
讗讞讚 诇驻谞讬讱. 讗诪专 诇讜 讗诪讜专. 讗诪专 诇讜 讗讛专谉 讛讬讜 诇讜 砖谞讬 讘谞讬诐 讙讚讜诇讬诐 讜诪转讜 砖谞讬讛诐 讘讬讜诐 讗讞讚 讜拽讘诇 注诇讬讛诐 转谞讞讜诪讬谉 砖谞讗诪专 讜讬讚诐 讗讛专谉 (讜讬拽专讗 讬’讙) 讗讬谉 砖转讬拽讛 讗诇讗 转谞讞讜诪讬谉 讜讗祝 讗转讛 拽讘诇 转谞讞讜诪讬谉. 讗诪专 诇讜 讚讬 诇讬 砖讗谞讬 诪爪讟注专 讘注爪诪讬 讗诇讗 砖讛讝讻专转讬 爪注专讜 砖诇 讗讛专谉.
Avot d’Rabbi Natan, Chapter 14
When Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai’s son died, his disciples came in to comfort him . . . Rabbi Yose entered, sat down before him, and said, “Master, by your leave, may I say something to you?” “Speak,” he replied. Rabbi Yose said: “Aaron had two grown sons, both of whom died in one day, yet he was comforted for the loss of them, as it is said, ‘And Aaron was silent’ [Lev. 10:3]鈥攈is silence implies a willingness to be comforted. You, too, must be comforted.” Rabban Yohanan said to him, “Is it not enough that I grieve over my own? Do you have to remind me of Aaron’s grief?”
We’ve all been on both sides of this story. Sometimes we find ourselves as the one in mourning or going through a particularly hard time, having to put up with the well-intentioned words of friends and acquaintances that inadvertently rub salt in our wounds; and at other times, we find ourselves trying to offer words of comfort, and speaking banalities that 鈥� even as they come out of our mouths 鈥� we realize are of no help.
The key here is the verse Rabbi Yose offers from the parashah: “And Aaron was silent.” He offers it with an interpretation, that Aaron’s silence “implies a willingness to be comforted.” All too often, we make assumptions about other people, about what their actions mean, about their inner states, about what they are thinking and feeling. Rabbi Yose here assumes he knows what Aaron’s silence meant, and, furthermore, assumes that he knows what will comfort Rabbi Yohanan.
The moral of the midrash is that we should never make assumptions about others. We cannot know what Aaron was feeling when he remained silent after his sons’ deaths, we cannot know what Rabban Yohanan ben Zakkai was feeling, and we cannot know what any one of our friends or family feels as they walk through their days and lives. The midrash reminds us not to make assumptions, and to know that our very presence in one another’s lives is the best measure of comfort we can offer.
