So Close to Me
For the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it.
See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity. (Deut. 30:14-15)
Listen to the song using the player above.
Lyrics:
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
Like my heart is less a mystery than the great expanse of heaven 1
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
Like my heart is less a threatening thing than the deepest darkest ocean 2
And my mouth is full of snares 3
I say such stupid things sometimes
And then when it really matters
No one鈥檚 listening
No one really cares
But it鈥檚 close to me, isn鈥檛 it?
One day I鈥檒l get there鈥�?
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
As if my heart is not a foreign land to be ravaged and conquered 4
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
As if her pillars and her altars smashed don鈥檛 rise again and now they鈥檙e stronger
And my mouth 5 follows my eyes
And with my mind, 6 all three uncircumcised
How can I know what really matters
I can see out
But not inside
Yet it鈥檚 close to me, isn鈥檛 it?
One day I鈥檒l get there鈥�?
Let heaven and earth witness
The human condition
Choose life or choose death
We鈥檝e been given permission 7
Am I the only one who feels
Incompetent? Unrealized?
鈥楥ause wasn鈥檛 it just yesterday
That I was seeing thunder with my own two eyes? 8
And wasn鈥檛 it just yesterday
That I didn鈥檛 get my laundry done,
That I didn鈥檛 go out and do something fun,
That I got dumped, just another one?
And even the rooster knows the difference between the night and the rising sun! 9
But sometimes I don鈥檛 know
You say it鈥檚 close to me
Why don鈥檛 You just show me?
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
And You should know, because You know the heart You placed inside each one of us
You say it鈥檚 in my heart
That heart of stone which You engraved and will replace with one of flesh when the time has come 10
And my mouth could be an ocean 11
Filled with words You鈥檝e placed inside it
Waves and tides ruled by the seasons
Of the moon
Its shadows you designed
It鈥檚 so close to me, isn鈥檛 it?
And You too are close to me, aren鈥檛 You?
So close we could kiss, isn鈥檛 that true? 12
So I cling as hard as I can, but I鈥檓 still apart, too?
I cling as hard as I can, but what should I hold on to?
And if I sing as loud as I can, will I disturb You?
Until I can finally hear the words myself, it may take a while
But I鈥檓 sure that won鈥檛 surprise You.
[1] Deut. 30:11-12 鈥淔or this commandment which I command you this day is not too hard for you, nor too far away. It is not in heaven, [such as] to say 鈥淲ho will go up for us to heaven and bring it to us and make us hear it so that we may do it?鈥�
[2] Deut. 30:13 鈥淣either is it in the ocean, [such as] to say 鈥淲ho will go over the sea and bring it to us and make us hear it so that we may do it?鈥�
[3] Prov. 6:2 鈥淵ou are ensnared by the words of your mouth, utterly entrapped by the words of your mouth.鈥�
[4] Deut. 29:19-28. There is a reminder of all the terrible things that are to be done to those who do not follow God鈥檚 law. Here a connection is drawn between the subduing of the wayward that is external and the subduing of the wayward that is internal. Both are described at length throughout the book of Deuteronomy.
[5] Exod. 6:12 鈥淚 am of uncircumcised lips!鈥�
[6] Deut. 30:6 鈥淎nd the Lord your God will circumcise your heart/mind (鈥�lev鈥�)
[7] Deut. 30:19 鈥淚 call upon heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; choose life鈥︹��
[8] Exod. 20:14 鈥淎nd all the people heard the voices [of the thunder] and the lightning鈥︹��
[9] See the first blessing of the traditional morning blessings, Birkot Hashahar.
[10] Ezek. 36:26 鈥淚 will give you a new heart, and I will place a new spirit inside of you; and I will take away the heart of stone from your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.鈥�
[11] See the prayer from the Shabbat and holiday morning service 鈥�Nishmat Kol Hai鈥� (鈥淭he soul of all living things praises you鈥�) and the line 鈥淚f only my mouth were filled with words like an ocean鈥�.
[12] Deut. 34:5. An allusion to Moses who died 鈥渂y the word of God鈥�, but could be interpreted as a kiss / by the mouth of God.
